How to Hold Space for Others - Part 1
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Reading tarot, I’ve discovered, isn’t as much about interpreting cards and stringing together narratives as it is about holding space for people.
You can be super adept at knowing all the card meanings, symbols, and techniques, but if you aren’t able to hold space for the person you’re pulling cards for, then you’re not really allowing for the cards to kick in and for magic to really take place.
But what does holding space even mean?
I first encountered this concept from one of my yoga mentors. She would talk about how the 90 minutes we spent going through our asanas was always a no-judgement zone. It was important, she said, for practitioners to feel like they could experience all sorts of emotions, run into physical discomfort or even meet little victories all through the class without being criticized for it.
I never felt safer in yoga than I did in those classes, and that safety net I knew I had around me opened me up to so much self-discovery and growth.
Reading tarot, whether online or offline, is all about creating this safe, judgement-free space for people, with the help fo the cards. It’s a term I use a lot and I get asked about a lot, too. The idea of “holding space” isn’t in most people’s vocabulary just yet, so I thought it would be interesting to ask a couple of my friends—all of whom are familiar with this concept—to share their thoughts about what it means to hold space and to be held.
Queenie and me at Musée de l’Orangerie in Paris, 2015.
I was interested in getting my friend Queenie’s experience because she was immersed in the yoga / wellness industry for a couple of years, before moving on to work for a university here in Manila. A Capricorn whose constant good mood and work ethic make her an awesome person to work and be friends with, she is someone who knows how to handle a tough situation and still be level-headed enough to make everyone involved feel okay.
I’m personally hoping to take a few tips from her too on how to manage my temper and stay calm and collected for myself and for others!
PM: When was the first time you encountered the term “holding space” and what was your experience of it?
QUEENIE: I first heard the term "holding space" at Yogaplus. Being in a yoga studio setting, I realized the importance of holding space for the students during class and beyond that, even for the team during meetings and in the studio as a work environment as well.
As a yoga student, I realized that my yoga class experience definitely differed depending on how the teacher held the space. For example, if I feel na medyo judgy yung teacher, then sometimes I'd get conscious with my practice. But in my experience I think rare naman yung yoga teachers like that 😁
PM: In what areas of your life or in which relationships do you encounter this?
QUEENIE: I think holding space currently applies to me more in the workplace as well as in dealing with family.
In the workplace, since I am in a leadership position, I feel like it's my responsibility, to create an atmosphere at work that would make my staff feel supported and comfortable enough to be transparent with me. Yung hindi sila takot lumapit sa akin but at the same time they have the appropriate amount of respect din naman for me and my role in the team.
In terms of holding space for family, funnily I find that I often have to do this in a virtual setting when I speak with my sister via Whatsapp (ed’s note: Queenie’s sister lives in Geneva). When we talk, more often than not, she consults me about decisions she has to make or she airs out a lot of frustrations, complaints, etc. So I have to check myself and make sure I try to see things from her point of view but at the same time give her real advice or my straightforward opinion (without being too harsh 😅). I know she doesn't think I judge her (that's why she comes to me! haha). I also think she comes to me because she knows I'll listen to her and not just ignore her but then I think that's also because our bond is super strong.
Holding space well helps my relationships "grow." By this, I mean, it improves the way I interact with the people in my life and it strengthens our bonds. It's important to know that my family, my friends, or my colleagues are open with me. And I think if I hold space well with them, then this helps with our communication and our relationships in general are better. It's important that we're able to hold space for each other even if it is via online platforms 😄 (especially right now with everyone quarantined at home). We need to support friends and family by being present, listening to them and just giving kind words of support.
PM: What do you wish people knew about holding space?
QUEENIE: I wish people realized that holding space means being there for someone with no judgement—I think that's really important. Holding space to me means being present physically and emotionally for the other person/persons but also being able to check in with yourself, with your own emotions during the encounter.
PM: Can you talk about one person you know who you think holds space for you well?
QUEENIE: I think of Nancy (Siy), teaching her Jivamukti class. She’s really genuine and you can really feel that there is no judgement when she teaches. Also, even if she advocates veganism and is really outspoken about her beliefs, it doesn't come off like she’s trying to convert you.
PM: How does it feel to be held well?
“You feel like you are being listened to 100%. But at the same time, the person holding space for you still remains true to his or herself. They aren’t there just to appease you with candy-coated words, but reciprocate with truthfulness in a kind way.”
Whether you’re pulling cards for a friend or reading tarot professionally, it’s important to create this judgement-free zone for people by learning the art of holding space. It isn’t always as easy to do on our own, but I feel that with an intentional and dedicated tarot practice, we can also start to learn how to hold space for ourselves too.