How to Hold Space for Others - Part 3
Today marks Day 33 (!!!) of #quarantinelife. So far, I’ve baked six times and have hopped on more Zoom calls than I ever thought I could handle. I’ve always been really iffy about video calls, but given the current situation, it’s been a fun way to connect with friends.
My most frequent video calls have been with people who I trust to hold space for me. We ramble for hours about nothing, but somehow, I always feel fuller and more whole after these virtual meetings.
Ria’s one of the funnest people to share a meal with! I sorely miss our impromptu lunches.
Ria has been holding live asana classes through the YogaPlus Virtual Studio. Check them out plus get updates at the YogaPlus Facebook page.
Today, I round out this series on Holding Space with my friend and yoga teacher, Ria Tirazona. I first met Ria at White Space Wellness Studio about seven years ago. I would attend her Sunday morning yin yoga classes, which were almost like a balm to my soul at that time! I had gotten so used to a grueling and sweaty yoga practice that the 90 minutes I spent in her class were always so freeing, relaxing, and soothing.
I didn’t expect for us to actually become friends outside the yoga studio, but we did! This fellow Aries and I (we’re born one day apart!) have collaborated on workshops together, and one of my best memories with her is the Awaken retreat we held in 2018 where we pooled together yoga, tarot, and meditation (one of my dreams come true).
I always feel good when I take one of Ria’s yoga classes. Her pre-savasana song picks make me feel lighter, and her sweaty flow classes remind me of how strong I am (no matter what version of a pose I get into).
Ria is a multi-hyphenate at heart—she is a yoga facilitator and educator, a licensed psychologist, and manages the Makati branch of YogaPlus. A self-confessed emotional eater, Ria’s struggle with weight has opened her up to new ways of celebrating her body and treating herself with love and compassion. Her psych background is a huge boon to the way she holds space for others too—it’s helped her work with everyone from beginners to older and less active students, plus people with injuries, chronic illnesses, and people with weight, emotional, or mental health concerns.
I hope you pick up something from our convo and visit her on the web too!
PM: When was the first time you encountered the term “holding space?”
RIA: I first encountered the term “holding space” while I was working on my Masters Degree in Psychology. It was in the context of building a therapeutic relationship, if I am not mistaken. Back then, it was still just a concept for me. A few years into my studies, we had a course about group processes/therapy, and I was studying with an amazing professor who embodied what holding space was. As I continued to study with her, I experienced what it was like to be held in a space of safety and non-judgment and that made such a big difference in my life.
Not long after, I encountered this in a yoga context, and that continued to shape my experience of what it is to hold space and to be held in space. I have been very lucky to have found great teachers who provided that for me, and many of them continue to be pivotal figures in my path as a yoga teacher.
Photos are courtesy of Ria Tirazona.
PM: What do you wish people knew about holding space?
RIA: One of the things that took time for me to learn about holding space is that it is not being there to fix someone. When I was new to my practice, both in therapy and in yoga, I think I unconsciously approached it with that perspective, that since I “studied” about the human psyche (and asana when it came to yoga), then it was my job to inform others about how things should be done. What I learned, and what I wish people knew about holding space is that often times, there’s no need for the “holder” of space to help fix the other, but that being there to listen without needing to give advice, to propose a solution, or give an opinion is often more than enough.
PM: Why is holding space crucial in your personal life and why do you think it’s important for people right now?
RIA: I don’t think I would be able to navigate the world without having my circle of friends who hold such good space for me! Or without my teachers and mentors who provide me a space to be vulnerable and uncertain. Also, because of the nature of my work wherein I hold space for people in various states of their own experiences, if I did not have that support on my end, I would have nothing to offer others. As they say, you can’t pour from an empty vessel, and being held is one of the important encounters that helps me resource myself better.
I experience being held and holding space for others in many aspects of my life, be this personally or professionally. Of course in a professional context, as a yoga facilitator and therapist, I often find myself in a therapeutic alliance with others. Personally, I find this from friends, mentors, and other teachers who come my way. I also credit my dogs, Bubba and Joe, for holding such good space for me!
One of the most tangible examples I can think of at the moment of really being held in space was my recent experience in a training I attended in Melbourne earlier this year with Yoga for Humankind. It was perhaps one of the biggest, if not the biggest, training groups I was part of. There were over thirty of us in the program, but despite having so many participants, even if I was one of two or three who flew in from another country, and in spite of my tendency toward introversion, I felt so seen and heard even if I barely recited or gave an opinion during sessions. The teachers, Mei Lai and Jo, were able to create such a safe space and container for our group, and it just made the learning experience, as well as the personal experience, so transforming.
PM: How does it feel to be held properly?
“Safe. Connected. Accepted. Regarded in Wholeness. It’s like knowing that you can fall apart and the other will not fall apart with you, and that even when you lay all your cards on the table, there is no judgment. On the other hand, though, there is no coddling or condoning your behaviors. Rather, there is space to just be, and opportunities to gain insight is there.”
Follow Ria’s yoga insights on Instagram at @biggerbodyyogaph, as she takes on life, one asana at a time.